Oiling My Hair and Other Advice That Didn’t Work For Me

Know that girl that oiled her hair from 1st standard until the 10th and put on two tight braids every single day of school – no matter what? Yeah, that was me. At first, it didn’t bother me much, but when it finally started to dawn on me that I was the only one doing it, it became almost like a characteristic of being uncool (my oversized blue specs didn’t help much either). My mother told me that oiling my hair would help with hair fall and make my hair soft, thick and I’d have no damage. TBH, that may be true but it never worked for me.

I have always had thin, soft, wavy hair prone to hair fall and split ends. It didn’t matter how much I oiled them and trust me, I did lots of it, it was just something that never worked for me. Instead, I ended up damaging my hair even more because one round of shampoo was never enough to get the oil out of my scalp and so the quantity of sulphate just kept increasing, every single day. So what did I end up doing? Blamed my genetics, of course.

When I got older and wiser (don’t laugh), I finally realised that not everything that works for the majority necessarily works for you. I know someone who hates mangoes, someone who actually can’t finish a movie because they can’t handle that much screen time and even someone who finds Chris Evans unattractive. My point is that something that works for someone, can be completely disastrous for the other. Can we stop shaming people for literally just having an individual personality and individual tastes?

As I type this, I can’t believe how ridiculous it is to even say it out loud as an ‘inappropriate notion’ but the truth is that the day and age we live in, it is so difficult to understand that it is not necessary for one to act upon a piece of advice given just because the giver feels its the best thing for the receiver. Who are you, Mr. Giver, to decide if this is going to work for me?! Oh and please don’t start with the, ‘I am only trying to help’ because if you did only want to help, then you wouldn’t be offended when I rejected your ‘guidance’ on accounts of it not working for me.

I used to know someone who constantly messaged me with ways on how I can lose weight. This male acquaintance who had been in my life for less than three months found it appropriate to advise me on an insecurity that I have dealt with all my life? LOL, you think I don’t know about calorie deficit and the benefits of running? Safe to say, they are no longer a part of my life.

A friend of mine walked into my bedroom, picked up my skincare and faulted every bottle. Nope, not because they were harmful products but because they did nothing FOR THEM. Did they ask me how I felt about those? No. However, did they continue to recommend a list of products that, once again, worked FOR THEM? Yes. When I politely declined to purchase them, they said I didn’t know enough about skincare. It may be true that I am not fully educated, but I know enough to know what works for me and what doesn’t. So why does everyone act as if I have lived like Rapunzel for 23 years of my life?

Also, just because something is better – does not automatically mean that it is what you prefer. Last week, a friend went through flak because they chose to deal with a situation in a way that suited them. Personally, I think it could have been dealt with in a better way but they did what felt right to them and I’d be the biggest hypocrite if I didn’t give them credit for doing just that. Sometimes, you truly cannot put yourself in someone’s shoes until you go through it but when you’re in deep shit, would you want to feel supported or would you want to be told, ‘hey, you can do better than this.’

I think it all comes down to who you are and honestly, you can’t always fake it till you make it. So be very careful of how much of someone’s advice you want to take. Just because they seem older and wiser, doesn’t necessarily mean that they know better about what’s best for you. In fact, pay no heed to this blog either, if you feel that this does not align with the kind of person you are. Trust your gut, you’ve got this.