‘Not Ugly’

‘Not ugly’ was the only compliment I used to get standing next to my cousins. Being ‘not ugly’ was like a super happy feeling. I used to think at least I am not different. As the years went by like a summer breeze, being ‘not ugly’ started to affect me. When I went to my close ones and shared how I felt about not looking good or looking as beautiful as my sibling, the only response I got was, “you are not ugly”. This statement makes it even more difficult to digest that people compare me to being ‘not ugly’ rather than calling me simply beautiful. 

Childhood is a nurturing phase and it sucks to be called ‘not ugly’ when you don’t even know the meaning of the fine lines between words. When someone doesn’t click a picture with you but prefers to click one with your good-looking sibling, it pricks like a needle in a sewing machine. It is not jealousy that eats me up but the lack of being content and constantly angry for not being an eye-pleaser. For a person who’s been called ‘not ugly’ all their life, a small “you look pretty” is a life-changing sentence.

However, when I look back at the people who have discouraged me throughout my adolescence, have not done anything to put me down but to lift me up. In their mind calling me ‘not ugly’ is weirdly giving me a compliment or indirectly calling me appealing. Being ‘not ugly’ is not a bad thing. I will not look at the brighter side of things but look at the reality of it all, being what I am, which is unique and in my own beautiful way. 

Everything is a matter of perspective. Being ‘not ugly’ is a name tag that should not put one down but only lift the other up. A lesson learned is knowledge gained and so is this. “I am beautiful”, that’s a mantra we all need to preach.